


hold me close (and never let me go)

by commanderofraccoons



Category: Mean Girls (2004), Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Accidental Cuddling, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Jealousy, Lack of Communication, New York City, Post-Canon, Unbeta'd, bed sharing, from everyone, most of the characters are just mentioned but whatever, new york tourist spots sorry, rating is for sexual thoughts but there's no smut here, regina sits on a bus ride and i'm sure you can imagine how that goes, that's an actual tag, then not so accidental, there's a lot of blushing and eye contact in this, this is an entire 17k fic based around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 19:04:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17607152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commanderofraccoons/pseuds/commanderofraccoons
Summary: “Sweetie, it isn’t that,” Damian cooed, and she could practically feel the comforting hand he would’ve raised to her shoulder if he could’ve. “Y’know, sharing a room, a bed, that’s a little different. Living together can bring out the worst in people.”Janis went back and forth between the two before shaking her head. “I get what you’re trying to say, I do, but,” she sighed, brushing her free hand through her hair. “I don’t know, guys? It’s not like we’re moving in together. What the fuck could really happen in four days?”orThe annual North Shore High senior class trip to New York City, featuring Regina and Janis sharing a hotel room.





	hold me close (and never let me go)

**Author's Note:**

> So, this got out of hand word-wise super fast, and now I'm posting a 17k one shot about cuddling. A lot of the events the class does are things I actually did on my own senior trip to New York, which... has been a few years now. Rip. Have fun with this one! It was interesting to write. Shoutout to Abby and Ashley for constantly forcing me to write on Google Docs. PS- Ao3 loves messing with page breaks and punctuation around italicized words so sorry about that :/

Senior year brought about a lot of different things no one would’ve expected, but the traditional senior class trip remained the same.

 

Starting with a thirteen hour bus trip to New York City from downtown Chicago.

 

Last year, Janis would’ve considered not going for the bus ride alone, even though an ecstatic Damian surely would’ve dragged her along.

 

It was three in the morning, and Janis found herself sitting toward the back of a charter bus North Shore High had rented. Her sole bag was placed below her feet, which forced her to shift uncomfortably into a better position. They’d be getting into the city by the evening, and the majority of their class opted out of going, whether it be for money purposes or not wanting to skip any schoolwork while they were gone.

 

Her classmates were still slowly making their way onto the bus, but Janis was hoping the seat next to her would be empty for the ride. Damian, of course, had almost sat with her, but she knew he was trying to woo some boy in the drama club. She gave him her blessing to sit with him, and she could see the back of his head a few rows ahead of her.

 

Her noise-cancelling headphones were placed over her ears, since Janis fully anticipated sleeping the majority of the way there. She closed her eyes while leaning against the window and ignored the movement going on around her.

 

The moment of peace didn’t last long, however, when she felt a bag plop down on the seat to her right. Her eyes shot open and landed on Regina George.

 

Regina George, who was sporting some designer pair of sunglasses Janis couldn’t name.

 

Regina George, who was standing in the aisle with a smug-looking smile on her face.

 

Regina George, whose hair was pulled up onto the top of her head in the messiest style she’d ever seen on the girl.

 

Regina George, whose mouth was definitely moving.

 

Janis blinked for a second, pulling off the headphone on her right ear, staring up at Regina expectantly. “What?”

 

The girl raised an eyebrow, taking off her sunglasses with both hands before placing them on the top of her head. Janis tried to school any surprise at the minimal makeup; even Regina George wasn’t completely flawless at three in the morning, she supposed.

 

“You didn’t hear any of that, did you?”

 

Janis had the decency to look sheepish, especially since the two were on better terms than they had been for a long time. They were… _civil_ now, and neither of them really wanted to ruin that.

 

“The headphones, sorry.” She motioned up to one placed behind her ear with her hand and offered the girl a small smile. “Does it have anything to do with you launching your bag at me?”

 

Regina rolled her eyes and leaned over to pull on the straps of the bag. It, like the glasses perched on the top of her head, was some designer brand Janis didn’t know and seemed far too big to be on the inside of the bus.

 

“Is that even a carry on?”

 

She ignored her, though, fighting with the straps to place it above the seats. Her upper-body strength evidently wasn’t what she thought it was, since it slipped from her grasp and landed roughly in the center of the aisle.

 

Janis was just glad it missed her feet.

 

“Dammit,” the girl bit out, her jaw slightly clenching when she moved her head down too fast.

 

Janis felt a twinge of sympathy in her lower gut at the motion and finally stood up from her seat. She should’ve definitely gotten up to help her before, but she didn’t entirely understand what Regina was trying to do.

 

As soon as she started to move, Shane Oman, sporting a sideways Chicago Bears hat, appeared from behind Regina with a genuine smile on his face. “Let me get that for you.”

 

Regina simply shrugged, and Janis pushed down any irritation she might’ve been feeling. It’s not like she stood up to help her or anything. She could’ve easily done it.

 

Either Regina was incredibly weak or Shane was incredibly strong— he lifted the bag above his shoulders with ease, though he struggled a bit sliding it into the tight space above Janis’s head.

 

Janis begrudgingly sat back down in her seat, eyes fixated on how closely Regina and Shane were standing.

 

“Thanks,” she heard Regina mumble before she patted the boy gently on his arm.

 

“Here when you need me, baby.” He laughed at the expression on Regina’s face, and Janis thought he was a bit too perky for three in the morning. Shane didn’t stay there long, though, giving one more smile to both of them before heading back to his seat behind them.

 

“Well,” Regina breathed, adjusting the purse on her elbow into her hand, and Janis realized she hadn’t even noticed it before. Then, she let the purse drop to the floor in front of the seat next to Janis.

 

Oh, she was sitting next to her.

 

_You dumbass. Why else would she be putting her bag up there?_

 

“You didn’t exactly ask to sit next to me,” Janis pointed out, her tone coming off a little more aggressive than she intended. Regina simply raised an eyebrow before settling herself onto the hardened cushion.

 

“No, I did, actually. You were just ignoring me.”

 

“Ignoring you? When did I-“ She stopped at the look on Regina’s face, and it felt like a Herculean effort not to look down at the other girl’s lips.

 

_Finish your sentence._

 

“Wait, no, I had my eyes closed, and these were both on.” Janis tapped the side of her right headphone with her pointer finger. “Why would you think I could hear you?”

 

“Whatever, I’m sitting here.” Regina said firmly, deciding herself that the conversation was over. She pulled a zip-lock bag from the pocket of her pants, and Janis was opening her mouth to form a rebuttal when she noticed the contents.

 

Several different colored pills of all shapes and sizes filled it to the brim, and Janis couldn’t help but be a little concerned.

 

“Any reason you’re carrying around a cocktail of horse pills?”

 

Regina simply looked back at her, eyes flashing with something resembling hurt. She snorted derisively and dumped a few into the palm of her hand, now avoiding Janis’s gaze. “Yeah, Janis, a few reasons. Number one is that I now suffer from chronic back pain.” She spoke cooly, popping a pill past her lips before speaking again. “Two, I get motion sickness, which you should’ve known if you remember our trip to the carnival when we were ten.” Janis did remember that, actually. At least Regina managed to aim away from her and onto the boy in the car below them. She watched her swallow another pill. “Third, maybe you weren’t aware of this, but I fucking hate buses.”

 

_Oh._

 

Regina was about to sit on a bus for thirteen hours. And then thirteen hours back in a few days. Janis doubted the girl had gone near a bus since her accident at the end of Junior year.

 

She threw another pill in her mouth, and Janis couldn’t help but be impressed that she dry-swallowed all of them. Regina sealed the bag back up before tucking it back into her pocket, keeping steady eye contact with Janis.

 

“That was a dumb question, sorry,” Janis admitted, feeling a bit like she was making this conversation worse at every turn. Why would she even ask her about the pills? It’s not like she hadn’t seen her take them before. “Wouldn’t it be better if you were sitting with Gretchen or something? She’d probably be a lot more help if you, like… needed someone? I don’t know.”

 

“Give it a rest. I’m sitting here no matter how many times you stick your foot in your mouth.” Regina relaxed a little, trying to sink back into her seat. “She’s also planning on making out with Karen the entire time, so I’m not sure how much help she’d actually be.”

 

She shouldn’t be surprised, really. The two had come out and admitted they were dating months ago, but Janis still wasn’t used to girls being out around her. Janis was the only out lesbian in their class for a while, until Sonja Acquino arrived to school one day during Sophomore year with a new haircut and boldly asked Janis out to dinner in the middle of the hallway. A lot of people heard, of course, and rumors began to spread like wildfire. They said they’d been dating for years in secret, something grossly sexual that Janis hadn’t understood at the time, and that Sonja had even dipped her when she said yes.

 

Which she didn’t.

 

It’s not like Sonja was tall enough to do that to her, anyway.

 

Most of that day was a little blurry to Janis, but she could vividly recall Regina dumping the contents of her lunch tray on Sonja’s head in the cafeteria.

 

“You’re still not listening.”

 

Janis blinked, turning back toward Regina on her right. She didn’t mean to zone out again, especially not while thinking about Regina weirdly targeting Sonja after the girl had asked her out. _Why did she even_ -

 

“Alright, well, I was just saying that I’m planning to sleep.” Regina shook her head, adjusting her new neck pillow between her and the back of the seat.

 

Janis wasn’t even sure when she pulled that out; _there’s no way that fit in her purse._

 

“Night.” Regina pulled her sunglasses back over her eyes and slouched back against the seat.

 

Well, that worked out. Janis could’ve handled that entire interaction better, but she was just glad Regina didn’t plan on trying to talk to her the entire time.

 

Cady was seated across the aisle in the row in front of them by herself. Janis could see her phone glued to her hand, and she figured she was busy trying to message Aaron to see if he was awake. She’d been so depressed that he wouldn’t be able to go with them now that he was at Northwestern, and Janis was just hoping she didn’t spend the entire trip trying to talk to him. Damian would probably step in if he had to, though. It’s not like he hadn’t before.

 

The rest of their friends were scattered around other parts of the bus, and she couldn’t help but wonder why. They usually stuck together for things like this, but maybe it had to do a bit with the time. Give it a few hours and a nap or two, and they’d all be sitting around each other in no time. Besides, Janis wanted to be by Damian when they could see the New York City skyline from the bus— she wondered if he’d keep his promise to cry.

 

Janis snuck another peek at Regina, whose chest was already steadily rising and falling. She wasn’t sure if she was asleep yet, but she was definitely trying. The bus was purring loudly, and it seemed like they were about to leave any minute now. Leaning back herself, Janis placed her one headphone back over her ear and closed her eyes.

 

 

* * *

 

Janis should’ve brought a blanket onto the bus, but it seemed like she didn’t need one. Her eyes were still closed, but she felt a lot warmer than she had when she was falling asleep. Her neck felt like it was an odd position, and Janis cracked open an eye.

 

The sun was shining brightly through the windows, and Janis figured she’d slept for a few hours, at least.

 

Wait.

 

Her cheek was on something.

 

It took another moment for her sleep-addled mind to catch up, but she realized her cheek was resting against Regina’s shoulder.

 

She shot up quickly and wiped the drool from her mouth. None of it seemed to get on Regina’s clothing, though. The girl was still thankfully asleep from the looks of it, and Janis breathed out a sigh of relief. Regina would’ve shoved her so hard against the window if she woke up first.

 

Janis heard a muffled giggle through her headphones from the row in front of her, and she saw Cady holding up her phone at the both of them. She removed the headphones and shot Cady what she hoped was an intimidating glare, but the girl only continued to laugh.

 

“I took like ten pictures of you two snuggled up,” Cady grinned, as if pleased with herself. “Damian came back to take one himself for his new phone background.”

 

Janis felt her face heat up, and she fought the urge to ask Cady how long she’d been asleep like that. Her phone was surely loaded with text notifications if she checked it right now.

 

“What time is it?”

 

“A little after nine.” Cady was speaking lower now, as if she was trying to avoid Regina’s wrath if she woke her. Her face was still buried in her phone, and she was barely sparing Janis a glance. “I have a good one of her leaning her head on yours.” She pushed her phone out toward her, and Janis hurriedly looked away after seeing two unmistakable figures curled up together on the screen. “You were like that for over an hour, actually.”

 

“Should I be worried you’re collecting blackmail on me, Caddy?” Janis tried to speak in a regular tone, pushing down any nervousness she might have at those pictures existing. She hoped she had enough common sense not to send them to Regina— or to Gretchen, who would send them to Regina and everyone else who lived in their tri-state area.

 

 _It happens, y’know, when two people sleep together- wait, no, no, not_ sleep _together, fuck._

 

“You should get back to your pillow.” Cady smiled, motioning back to Regina with a nod of her head. She was already typing something back into her phone, failing to mention that Regina had been awake for most of their _nap_. Janis just rolled her eyes unknowingly; the girl definitely got used to the constant accessible technology of America, that’s for sure.

 

So they were almost halfway there. Her goal had been to sleep for a little longer than that, but at least she wouldn’t have to be wide awake for thirteen hours. She could watch something on her phone to kill some time, but she was worried she’d see twenty different picture messages on it.

 

Most of the bus was still asleep, or at least the people were completely silent. She saw the back of Damian’s head over his seat, and she almost expected him to turn around and shoot a knowing grin at her. He must’ve been sleeping or too busy with the new possible boy toy to rub it in her face. Maybe Cady’s back to sexting Aaron and didn’t tell him she woke up yet.

 

She quickly slouched back and pulled the sun visor down over the window.

 

Tried to, anyway.

 

Janis tugged against the bottom of it gently, but it gave way and crashed loudly against the bottom of the window pane. It wasn’t how she envisioned closing it, but at least the sun was no longer in her eyes.

 

She heard a moan behind her, and Janis was suddenly afraid to turn back around. A louder one resounded a moment later, and she knew her face had to be bright red by that point. Janis smiled sheepishly and slowly shifted in her seat to face a now wide-eyed Regina, sunglasses back to sitting on the top of her head.

 

“Thanks,” Regina mumbled, surprisingly devoid of any sarcasm. “Could barely sleep with that up.”

 

Janis frowned. _Why didn’t she just reach across her and pull it down? Shouldn’t her pills have knocked her out? God, she wasn’t awake earlier, was she?_

 

 _“_ Are you gonna watch something now?” Regina asked, straightening up in her seat with her neck pillow still behind her. If she noticed Janis’s confused expression, she ignored it completely.

 

“Oh, uh, yeah, maybe,” Janis fumbled a bit, digging her phone from her front pocket. She quickly opened her lock screen, sending up a silent prayer that Regina didn’t see the plethora of notifications detailing them cuddling in their sleep. “Shouldn’t you try to rest again?”

 

Regina raised a single eyebrow almost daringly. “Can’t.”

 

They stared at each other for a moment, neither quite knowing what to say. Janis was starting to think this was the worst social interaction she’s ever had, and that was saying something. The past year had helped their relationship tremendously, and Janis was almost certain they hadn’t acted like this since the end of Junior year.

 

“Is this the part where you guys kiss?”

 

They both jumped, turning around to see Christian Wiggins hanging over the top of their seats with a smirk on his face.

 

Regina composed herself first, and Janis could swear she saw a bit of that former apex predator peek out. She fixed him with a glare, and something unspoken passed between them before Christian noticeably tensed.

 

“Fine.” He disappeared from view, plopping himself down into his seat. A muffled “bitch” was heard from behind them, and Regina snorted.

 

“Do I even wanna know what you have on him?”

 

“Gretchen has dirt on everyone in our class. She’ll be more than willing to tell you.” Regina shrugged, seemingly unbothered by the situation. Janis couldn’t help but think that a question like Chris’s would’ve been the other girl’s worst fear only a year ago.

 

Regina suddenly shifted in her seat uncomfortably, and Janis felt a twinge of irritation in her chest. _Of course she’s disgusted by what he said._

 

“Could I watch something with you?”

 

Janis, frankly, was getting whiplash.

 

“I mean, if you wanna watch by yourself… then that’s fine, too.” Regina tried, nervously watching Janis’s reaction. “I’ll just find something else to take my mind off-“ She stopped suddenly, crossing one leg over the other and leaning back against the seat.

 

“Off what?”

 

Regina remained silent, though she seemed to be in deep concentration. She refused to make eye contact with her and kept shifting in place.

 

“What the hell’s wrong with you?”

 

The girl grit her teeth, and Janis could tell she was trying not to snap.

 

“Regina?”

 

“Stop talking.”

 

“ _Regina_.”

 

She turned back to her, and the girl seemed almost embarrassed. “I have to pee, okay?” Regina practically whispered. “I’ve had to pee for, like, the last hour.”

 

Janis couldn’t help but laugh. Of course Regina George can’t let anyone know she has human functions. She’d gotten better at it after their Junior year, but she evidently still had some work to do. _That’s why she can’t sit still._

 

“Use the one in the back.”

 

Regina’s eyes flashed, and Janis was worried she’d bite her head off for suggesting it.

 

“I’d literally rather jump from the windshield and get run over by this massive thing than go in that claustrophobic, glorified port-a-potty.”

 

Janis couldn’t help but silently agree. She’d seen her fair share of bus bathrooms, and she avoided them as much as possible. It must’ve been difficult for Regina to be even _on_ the bus, let alone inside of its dark bathroom— though Janis doubted Regina had ever seen one before. Her statement was pretty telling, though, coming from someone who was actually hit by a bus.

 

“Look, we have seven hours left. It’s either that, or you get to piss your pants in front of everyone on here.”

 

That seemed to do something to the girl, who was probably begrudgingly admitting that Janis was right in her head.

 

“This is bullshit,” Regina sighed, slouching a bit with her legs still crossed. “I purposely didn’t drink anything all last night so this wouldn’t happen.”

 

“I’m sure your kidneys are thrilled,” Janis deadpanned, though she turned away from Regina when she noticed the bus starting to slow down.

 

“What’s happening?”

 

“Alright, kids,” the driver’s gruff voice came over the speakers, crackling just loud enough to wake anyone who was still sleeping. “We’re pulling into our rest stop now, and I need everyone back on here in about a half an hour to keep on schedule. Go get some food, use the restroom, whatever.”

 

A few of the boys in the back started making strange noises at each other as soon as the inner lights of the bus switched on, and Janis struggled not to roll her eyes.

 

Instead, she dropped her gaze back down to Regina, who was smiling sweetly back at her.

 

“One for Regina George, zero for the bus bathroom.” Regina grinned, already placing her purse strap over her shoulder. Her leg was bouncing a little, and Janis couldn’t help but sigh. Of course the stars would align so Regina could use a semi-clean Subway restroom in the middle of rural Pennsylvania instead.

 

Janis couldn’t wait until they were in the city.

 

 

* * *

 

 

For the money each student had to pay for this trip, Regina couldn’t help but think that staying at a rundown New Jersey Holiday Inn was a little ridiculous. The charter bus would be staying with them the entire time, they were told, and it’d be taking them into the city early every morning. To Regina, it meant that someone in Northshore’s administration was embezzling whatever money they saved by not staying downtown.

 

They also could’ve planned the rooming situations better, if the hoards of bickering teens surrounding her said anything. Their entire friend group was scattered around and separated from each other, but none of them had made a move to fix that yet. The students weren’t allowed to pick their own roommate for the hotel, but the chaperones had firmly told them that pairings would not be with the opposite sex. As expected, many of them didn’t take that well.

 

Muriel, the secretary chaperone who most likely was taking advantage of a free trip, was standing in front of them with a clipboard and an anxious sort of look on her face.

 

“George.”

 

Regina snapped her head to her right side at the unfamiliar tone, holding in a wince at the sudden pain at the base of her neck. Sonja Acquino was standing next to her, arms crossed and beanie hat placed messily atop her short hair. She appeared almost smug, and Regina figured the upcoming conversation would irritate her.

 

“Yes?”

 

“So I took a peek at the room assignments,” she started, dropping her voice a bit lower. “And I wanted to make a deal with you.”

 

“Please don’t tell me I’m stuck with you.” Out of all the girls in their class she could be paired with to share a room, Sonja would definitely have to be up there as one of the worst options. It’s not like she particularly hated the girl. They even ran in the same friend groups a few years ago— Janis was by Regina’s side then, of course, but too much had happened since. Sonja came out, tried to date Janis, and Regina sort of… went out of her way to make sure that didn’t happen. No reason, really, other than she felt like she might’ve pushed the two together. For a period of time, they were the only out lesbians in their class, and people did with that information what they would. The rumors were always vulgar and sexual, and though a lot of people assumed a horny Jason Weems had started them, Regina had her suspicions that Sonja had a hand in them herself.

 

Sonja snorted and shook her head. She took a step closer to her, and Regina fought the urge to take a step back. “No, no. Believe me, I would’ve made sure that was a surprise.”

 

Regina just stared back at her, hoping the girl would get on with whatever she was trying to say.

 

“So you’re with Grace, and I’m with Janis.”

 

_Oh._

 

That’s what this was about. She was trying to rile her up because she thought she’d have a reaction to that. So _what_ if Sonja was rooming with Janis? After all, Sonja was dating Grace now and it’s not like she’d just—

 

_Wait._

 

Sonja wasn’t trying to make her angry about Janis. She wanted to room with her girlfriend.

 

The other girl was practically grinning now, and Regina hoped she had masked whatever sort of expression came over her face. She’d gotten a lot worse at that this past year.

 

“I want you to switch with me so I can room with Grace.” Sonja confirmed, sneaking a glance back up at Muriel who finally looked about ready to speak. “And I figured you wouldn’t mind snuggling up to Sarkisian every morning.”

 

Regina tried to look affronted at that, but she knew she completely failed. She willed the heat away from her cheeks. “How do you plan on doing that? She’s already reading everyone’s.”

 

Just as she said that, she watched Karen’s face fall at hearing from Muriel that she’d be separated from Gretchen. She hoped Lizzie Thurman would be able to keep up with Karen for a prolonged period of time.

 

“Oh, no, I already did it.” Sonja smiled.

 

“Grace Akinola with Sonja Acquino.” The older woman read off the board, slightly butchering both of their names.

 

Regina blinked, feeling more confused as more events occurred. “What was the point of this conversation then?”

 

Sonja wasn’t even looking at her now, and Regina noticed she was giving a thumbs up to a smiling Grace across the room. “Well,” she focused her gaze on Muriel now, who had just said that Marwan Jitla would be rooming with an angry-looking Christian Wiggins. “I didn’t want you to say no, and I wanted to see if you gave a shit about me sharing a bed with Jan.”

 

Regina felt her brow dip at that, and she tried schooling her emotions. That was what the other girl wanted to see, anyway. She couldn’t help but think that no one would’ve spoken to her like this last year. “Since when have you been close enough to call her Jan?” _Definitely not what you should’ve said._

 

Sonja chuckled loudly, now back to seemingly analyzing Regina’s body language. “Could I maybe give you some advice?”

 

_No._

 

“Look, you know I was there that day,” she practically whispered now, and Regina felt like the walls were closing in on her. “Grace was, too.” Sonja shrugged. “And we laughed right along with you at her. If you just get rid of whatever internalization you still have going on, then maybe you can-“

 

“I’m gonna stop you there,” Regina snapped, trying to piece her old walls back together. The conversation was bordering on dangerous territory, especially with it being around most of their classmates. She didn’t want to talk about what happened back in eighth grade, but if she had to, then she’d do it with Janis. Not Sonja, who— like she said— had hypocritically laughed with her and helped Regina bully Janis out of school for an entire year. _She wasn’t the only hypocrite_. Her jaw clenched tightly, and Regina was worried for a minute that she’d end up saying something she regretted. “This isn’t any of your business, but Janis and I have talked about what happened. I don’t know what you’re presuming-“

 

“You know exactly what I’m presuming,” Sonja interrupted.

 

“Janis Sarkisian with Regina George.”

 

The majority of their class stopped their side conversations immediately before their voices started again in louder volume. Of course they’d talk about that. Even now, after the two had reconciled enough to be considered friends again— it would still follow them.

 

“Quiet down, everyone! Sophie Kawachi, you’re with Rachel Hamilton.”

 

“You don’t need to get pissy and defensive, okay,” she could hear Sonja talking again, but Regina’s gaze was now locked with Janis’s far to her left. Janis was eyeing Regina and Sonja with something between confusion and intrigue. Maybe she’d tell her about this later. A few parts would have to be left out, though. “-just enjoy the king bed at least, alright?”

 

Regina suddenly couldn’t hear anything else, though her vision had rapidly changed. Rachel Hamilton was diving at Sophie Kawachi, growling and snarling as her hands wrapped around the poor girl’s neck. The rest of their class was attacking each other, too, and Regina felt a twinge of familiarity at the scene compared to the aftermath of the Burn Book. She tried to find Janis in the crowd, but the girl was nowhere to be found. Sonja stepped in front of her line of sight, and she seemed almost… _animalistic_.

 

Regina shut her eyes tightly shut. God, she was having one of those freaky African animal hallucinations that Cady would try to describe to them.

 

“-Regina? Regina, what the fuck?”

 

She opened her eyes, but no one was on all fours. No one was trying to rip anyone else apart, and Sophie Kawachi was actually laughing at something that Rachel Hamilton had said. Everyone was acting completely human, and Regina knew what brought on the hallucination.

 

Sonja was waving a hand in front of her face with a surprising look of concern. “Where’d you go, George? Thinking about all the things you could get up to with Janis in a king bed?” She raised an eyebrow almost flirtatiously, and Regina bit back the ugly insult that came to mind.

 

“What do you mean? Aren’t they all two full beds?”

 

“She’s probably planning to drop that bomb next,” Sonja stepped back to her side, now watching Muriel pair Gretchen with Caitlyn Caussin. “Northshore’s cheap. We both know it. Every school dance has only had Party City balloons as the decorations, and only one of the boy’s bathrooms actually has stalls on the doors.”

 

“Where are you going with this?” Her patience was wearing thin by now, and she knew her assumption at the beginning about being irritated with this conversation would come true.

 

“I’m sure they knew the boys wouldn’t be able to share beds without some temper tantrums being thrown.” Sonja breathed out a loud sigh, as if she was about to tell a child a bedtime story. “I found the clipboard on the bus, and I saw everything on it, right? All the names, who had what room, whatever. Turns out they booked too late and they couldn’t get enough rooms with two beds, so they had to give some people the rooms with one big one. Luckily for both of us,” she grinned, “we both got the king.”

 

Regina just made a noise of confirmation, not wanting to give Sonja the satisfaction of reacting to what she said. She’d slept in the same bed as Janis numerous times, especially when they were growing up. It wouldn’t be a problem at all; Sonja was just trying to make her anxious over it.

 

“So, uh,” Sonja was smirking now, and Regina wished Muriel would just hurry along with whatever she still had to say. “I never got to see what Janis looked like after a shower, so if you could, like, let me know, that’d be great.”

 

Regina felt her nostrils flare, and she vaguely wondered if she could push Sonja in front of a cab later and make it look like an accident. “Have a nice time staying with your _girlfriend_ , Sonja.”

 

She knew the girl was just saying all of this to get under her skin. Maybe a weird sort of revenge because Regina dumped mashed up pepperoni rolls on her head that one time Sophomore year. Totally deserved then, totally would be deserved now.

 

“Oh, thanks,” she started walking away toward Grace, smirk still in place. “You, too!”

 

Everyone heard that last part, and Regina hoped no one knew the context of what they were talking about.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“The view sucks.”

 

Janis was standing in front of the hotel room window, the right side of the curtain pushed back to show the… _sight._ They were up toward the top of the hotel, at least, but the only thing below them were the dirty roofs of buildings.

 

“New Jersey’s super cute, isn’t it?” Regina tried to offer a comforting a smile to the nervous-looking girl, who was still clutching her sole bag in her hand. _How did she fit everything into that?_

 

Regina had made herself fairly comfortable in the room already, lounging back against the array of differently sized pillows on the bed. Janis, on the other hand, seemed seemed too anxious to even set her bag down anywhere, let alone herself.

 

“I figured you wouldn’t mind but, um,” Janis was slowly walking toward the bed now, bag still in hand. “Well, I know with your back you can’t, so, like, I’ll take the floor then?”

 

It honestly had to be one of the last things Regina expected Janis to say.

 

“What? No, why?”

 

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or anything, y’know.” Janis finally set the bag down at the end of the bed. “I don’t wanna come off as predatory or… whatever else.”

 

Regina shook her head, already pulling the comforter back on the opposite side of the bed. She’d been over this with Janis before, and the guilt had reared its head each time. “Janis, you’re being ridiculous.” She definitely wasn’t, and Regina knew it. Years of ridicule and bullying would change a person and how they acted, and Janis was no exception. She’d go out of her way just to make sure she didn’t accidentally ever touch Regina, and she couldn’t pretend that it didn’t hurt. “You’re not sleeping on the floor for four days.”

 

Janis was standing on the other side now, hands resting atop the sheets that were below the comforter. She seemed a little more at ease now, but Regina wanted to put her worry to rest.

 

“How many times have we slept in the same bed, Janis? You practically lived in my bedroom when we were seven.” Regina patted the spot next to her welcomingly, and she waited for the girl to follow her instructions.

 

Janis stared at the pillows almost as if offended for a moment before finally giving in and sitting on the very corner of the mattress. Regina sighed; it’d have to do for now.

 

“Do you remember when our moms would go to Atlantic City together?” Regina continued. Maybe talking about their happier memories together would relax the girl a little more.

 

“And we’d be left with your dad trying to watch both of us and Kylie?” Janis asked, a ghost of smile trying to lift up her lips.

 

Regina immediately smiled, and she realized she wasn’t even doing this just for Janis anymore. She probably hadn’t talked about these memories with anyone in several years. “Kylie still complains that her tailbone hurts if she sits too long because of that.”

 

“I didn’t know she was behind me!” Janis defended, and Regina couldn’t even fight her laughter.

 

“I’ve seen her fall down the steps a lot of other times, too, Janis, don’t blame yourself.” Regina admitted, leaning her head back against the pillows again. “So, Mr. Buck said to just get settled in and meet at the elevator when we’re done. We should probably get going soon.”

 

Janis frowned, slowly inching up to the head of the bed. Regina watched her curiously, not wanting to disturb whatever moment they were having. She could kick herself for even mentioning that they had to leave, especially when Janis was just starting to calm down.

 

“Why’d they think doing stuff tonight would be smart after we just drove that entire way?” Regina kept speaking, closing her eyes and adjusting her legs under the covers. “Like, who doesn’t wanna just lay in the hotel room right now?”

 

“Mhm,” she heard Janis reply, and she felt the mattress move underneath her.

 

She listened for a moment and could tell that Janis was now lying down on her own side of the bed.

 

“Night, Jan,” she said softly, and she could swear she felt Janis stiffen from her words. Regina didn’t say anything else, however, and just waited to see if Janis would respond.

 

She didn’t, and the two laid there in silence for a little longer. Regina was hoping that Janis would mimic what they did on the bus earlier and lay her head back onto Regina’s shoulder. Maybe on her chest. It’d be easy to massage the top of her head in that position.

 

Oh, she was getting a little carried away. Janis definitely wasn’t comfortable with any of that yet, and Regina would just have to wait. Still, Regina remembered the way her stomach tingled on the bus when Janis made physical contact with her. She’d been so surprised that she opened her eyes, but she made no move to push her away. Cady was staring right at her, and Regina had no problem telling her to mind her own business. Not until after she made the girl send her the pictures of them, though.

 

“C’mon, ladies! The bus is leaving soon!” There was a loud pounding on the door, and Regina felt Janis jump slightly before leaving the bed.

 

“Well, you said Buck would bother us,” Regina heard Janis sigh, and she opened her eyes to see her standing near the hotel door. “Damian’s probably rushing everyone so we can get into the city. Do you, uh, do you want me to wait for you?”

 

Regina pulled her legs out of the comforter and over the side of the bed. Janis was now leaning back and forth on each of her feet, but Regina just waved her off. “No, go ahead. I’ll be out.”

 

Janis nodded and disappeared down the small hallway. Regina saw a flash of light on the wall as the girl opened the door and sighed as she heard it shut.

 

Four days. She’d be fine.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Northshore’s itinerary for the trip was, like anything else they did, an absolute disaster. They didn’t budget in the bus getting stuck in traffic while on its way to the city, making them miss the school’s dinner reservation for Bubba Gump’s Shrimp. It was already getting late, meaning the kids would have free time to do as they pleased for the next hour or so. The main rule was to stay in groups with each other— and not get into any transportation that wasn’t their charter bus.

 

“Is this a pretty color for me?” Karen was holding up a tube of dark liquid lipstick next to her mouth, leaning a little too close for comfort to one of the store’s mirror.

 

“Ooo, yeah, babe, I like it. So fetch.” Gretchen kissed her cheek, gently moving her girlfriend away from the mirror by her shoulder.

 

The six of them were inside of the Sephora store on Broadway, and, to Janis, it felt like they’d been in there longer than their entire bus ride. She was even holding her own bag of new makeup, which everyone had talked her into buying.

 

Janis, Damian, and Cady were all standing to the side at this point, letting the others do their thing. The Ex Plastics had hit up several stores in New York’s prime tourist areas, and Janis was convinced that none of them would have the room to bring back everything they bought. Damian’s arms were draped in bags from all three girls, but he didn’t exactly look displeased about it. After all, he finally had people to do this sort of stuff with now.

 

Cady, on the other hand, was ignoring all of the them, typing a constant string of messages to Aaron on her phone. Janis saw Damian’s eyes wander a few times to her movements, and she was honestly curious to see if he’d break out into song in the middle of New York City. He’d probably do it again, if only on the off chance he’d get noticed by some Broadway hotshot.

 

“I know, right?”

 

Janis blinked and looked away from Cady’s fast moving thumbs. Regina was in front of her, standing surprisingly close. Her gaze was fixed on Cady— almost analyzing.

 

“I honestly don’t think they’ve been apart this long since they started dating.” Regina stated calmly, as if Aaron wasn’t her own ex-boyfriend. “Hey, Cady?” She spoke a little louder, and even Karen and Gretchen turned away from the lipstick counter to see what was happening. “You’ve never been to New York before. Why don’t you try enjoying it and put the phone down?”

 

Cady looked up finally and noticed everyone was watching her. Damian actually looked a bit disappointed, and Janis suspected it had to do with him not being the one to tell Cady first. The girl’s face fell, and Janis could easily see she was embarrassed. “No, I know, I’m sorry.” She sighed, sliding the thin iPhone into her pants pocket for the first time all day. “I already made plans to go see Aaron up at school next weekend, anyway. When we get back.”

 

Regina, for some reason, looked delighted at that. “Shit, Cady. Can’t go a week without a good dicking?”

 

Damian snorted next to her, and Janis had to hide her face from everyone’s view. She didn’t want to laugh at Regina’s question, even if she did find it a little funny. Janis could hear Gretchen telling Regina that it was _too much_ , and she imagined Cady’s face had to be bright red.

 

Janis finally turned back from staring at the eyeshadow counter and made direct eye contact with Regina. The others were now surrounding Cady, and she figured they were probably asking for details about her Northwestern weekend escapades.

 

“You’re really comfortable making jokes about Aaron like that.”

 

Regina paused, and Janis thought the girl might’ve been studying her face. She fought the urge to move away from her gaze.

 

“Well, I know he’s more than happy with her. And,” she stopped, glancing over at their friends before turning back to Janis. Almost as if she were making sure they weren’t listening. “And I know now that he never meant that much to me in the first place.”

 

Janis frowned, slightly taken aback by her last statement. “That’s pretty cold. You dated him twice.”

 

Regina didn’t react to that, even though Janis had expected her to. She stared blankly over Janis’s shoulder, and she didn’t think the girl was even going to respond.

 

“It’s not that. I mean, I care about him. Glad he’s actually happy.” Regina shrugged, and Janis could practically see the cogs spinning in her head. “But I couldn’t love him.” She said with an air of finality; if Janis wanted to make the conversation more tense, she would’ve asked her why not.

 

“So I have to buy a pick in here!” Gretchen informed them quite loudly, and Janis was suddenly grateful for the buffer in conversation. “I forgot to pack some, and I need one to do my hair in the morning.”

 

“She really couldn’t have gotten that in one of their several trips to the register?” Damian murmured to Janis while Gretchen shot down an aisle, leaving their sight. He raised his right arm pitifully, the bags loosely dangling from it. “Look at this.” His mouth fully formed a dramatic pout, and Janis rolled her eyes before looking away. He couldn’t fool her— she knew was he thrilled.

 

Regina was staring at her now almost fondly, and Janis felt herself freeze. Before Janis could say something to her, Regina quickly flipped her hair and followed Gretchen down whatever aisle she ventured into.

 

“So, are you okay?” Damian asked, tone suddenly serious. All of the Ex Plastics were in another part of the store, which just left the three of them standing there. It reminded Janis of Junior year.

 

“What do you mean? Why?”

 

“Are you okay sharing a hotel room with Regina?” It was Cady who spoke this time, surprisingly not infatuated with her phone again.

 

“That’s what this is about? Yeah, no, it’s fine. Kinda sucks because we have to share a bed, but-“

 

“Miss Norbury’s one of the chaperones, and I could easily get her to change your room if you need it.” Cady smiled, inching closer to Damian.

 

“I’ll be fine. We sort of talked about it already, anyway.”

 

“Talked about what exactly?” Damian asked, and Janis imagined that he would’ve crossed his arms over his chest if the bags allowed him.

 

“The bed’s big enough, and there’s the bathroom for when I need to change. Why are you guys so worried about it? It’s not like we haven’t spent time alone together.”

 

Cady and Damian exchanged a glance, and Janis couldn’t make out whatever they were trying to tell each other with their eyes.

 

“Sweetie, it isn’t that,” Damian cooed, and she could practically feel the comforting hand he would’ve raised to her shoulder if he could’ve. “Y’know, sharing a room, a bed, that’s a little different. Living together can bring out the worst in people.”

 

Janis went back and forth between the two before shaking her head. “I get what you’re trying to say, I do, but,” she sighed, brushing her free hand through her hair. “I don’t know, guys? It’s not like we’re moving in together. What the fuck could really happen in four days?”

 

Damian and Cady looked away immediately, and even Janis knew what she said sounded stupid. She was just hoping the universe wasn’t listening to try and prove her wrong.

 

“The good news is you won’t be spending a whole lot of time in there.” Cady surmised after a moment. “We have full itineraries for the rest of the trip.”

 

“Don’t even get me started on that thing,” Damian groaned, and Janis knew they’d probably hear him complain all about it tomorrow. “But she’s right. It calls for us to get up at the asscrack of dawn every morning to leave.”

 

Cady made a sad little noise to her left, and none of them said anything after that for a long moment. The Ex Plastics were back into view now, half-heartedly skimming fat mascara tubes, and Janis hoped the attention on her hotel arrangements would drop quickly.

 

“I actually have Dawn as my roommate,” Cady sighed, and Damian thankfully already seemed completely entranced at whatever she was about to say. “I’m kinda worried she’s planning on sneaking Chris into the room? Marwan and I said we’d let each other know if they were gonna do something gross.”

 

“He’s such a dick,” Janis firmly stated, clearly remembering the incident on the bus. She made a note to ask Gretchen about him later.

 

“How about I have Mike Thurman? Which,” Damian flicked his hands back dramatically as best as he could and let out an elongated sigh. “I actually don’t mind him or whatever, but, like, he tried to ask me and Karen if we could ask the chaperones to switch.”

 

“Aren’t Karen and Lizzie sharing a bed, too?” Cady asked, nose scrunching up in slight disgust.

 

“Exactly! Why would you even wanna share a hotel room with your twin sister, let alone a bed with her?” Damian was getting louder now, causing the returning Ex Plastics to all have expressions of confusion.

 

“Ew, what’d we miss?” Regina approached with a new bag in hand. For a moment, she looked as if she was planning to put it around one of Damian’s arms but thought better of it.

 

Gretchen, donning two new bags of her own, simply let out a disappointed sigh. “I don’t have any confirmation on the Thurman twins, but I’m having Karen look into it while she’s with Lizzie.” She held out her right arm toward Karen, who looked all too glad to embrace the girl in a tight hug.

 

Janis… well, Janis had a lot of thoughts about the two of them. Before last year, no one else was really out in their class. She watched Sonja and Grace slowly come together during their Junior year, but Janis hadn’t really cared. Good for them, she supposed. She’d definitely known about Sonja, but Grace coming out by dating her was a little surprising. Karen and Gretchen, in her mind, came out of absolute nowhere, though Damian would blatantly fight her on that. Regina’s reaction, however, had genuinely surprised everyone. Her lack of reaction, anyway. She didn’t seem to care at all, and Janis vaguely wondered if she knew about them beforehand.

 

Whatever. Like she told Damian, at least the girl wasn’t an outright homophobe anymore.

 

“Alright, Gretchen? Do we have time for another store before we have to head back?” Regina motioned to Damian’s arms, surprising Janis by silently asking for her own bags back.

 

Gretchen, still being tightly embraced by an enthusiastic-looking Karen, wiggled a hand into her skirt pocket for her phone before pulling it out.

 

“Where did you find a skirt with a pocket?” Janis heard herself mumble to no one in particular. Regina, who was now sliding bags over her forearms, shot her a smile, definitely having heard her.

 

“We’d need to keep it short,” Gretchen said almost gravely while peering at the time.

 

“We can work with that. You guys coming?” Regina stormed past them toward the door, and Janis considered just not following.

 

She looked over at Damian, who was looking a lot lighter with only Karen and Gretchen’s lesser bags on his arms now.

 

“Don’t look at me like that. Keep up,” he told her almost jokingly. “And when we pass some of the theater marquees, you’re gonna need to be ready to take glam shots of me in front of them.” He jolted his right arm gently, the bags swinging back and forth as he did so. “Which means someone else is taking bag duty.”

 

Janis never wanted to be in Evanston, Illinois, so badly in her life.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Janis couldn’t move.

 

She felt extraordinary warm, and all of her limbs seemed to be… touching something else. Intertwined with something else.

 

 _Someone_ else.

 

She steadied her breathing, eyes still tightly shut. Like on the bus, jumping up would only startle Regina awake, and that was something she needed to avoid. Her right cheek was definitely pressed against Regina’s chest, and Janis was pointedly trying to ignore the inner question of whether or not the girl was wearing a bra to sleep.

 

Maybe they should’ve saw this coming. For their entire lives, every sleepover had ended with them in this exact position in the morning. During nap time in Kindergarten, they’d set up their mats close together, only to wake up hugging every time. Their teacher had questioned their parents about it, but they all just waved it off. They thought it was cute that the best friends would gravitate toward each other, even when they were sleeping.

 

But this was different than Kindergarten naptime with Regina after falling asleep watching _The Little Mermaid_. They were older now, and they’d each done things to each other that… didn’t make sense with what they were currently doing. Sure, they were friendlier, but this was a sensitive sort of embrace. An embrace Janis wanted to fall right into and never come out of.

 

Janis had forgotten how fucking _good_ it felt to be held by Regina. Twelve year old Janis was hyper aware of this feeling, and she didn’t exactly have the same type of shame Janis was feeling right about now. It wasn’t about liking girls or anything; Janis had accepted that a long time ago, and other people’s opinions about her sexuality truly stopped bothering her. No, this was about it being Regina. She didn’t want to notice how perfectly their bodies fit together— how they always had. How a younger Janis took it as a sign that they were meant to be together.

 

She was just so afraid that letting her know any of this would completely disgust her. She’d seen the look on Regina’s face before, and Janis couldn’t subject herself to it again.

 

Still, it felt so sweet. _So_ intimate. Janis unconsciously buried her face deeper into the girl’s chest, and she heard a soft moan in response. She froze suddenly, praying that the noise had come from herself. Waking Regina right now would probably have disastrous consequences.

 

Suddenly, she felt a hand slide into her hair, gently starting to massage her scalp. If her eyes weren’t already shut, they’d be drooping immediately.

 

_This is fucking perfect._

 

Regina had to be awake. There was no way she was massaging her head in her sleep. The girl’s movements were making her drowsy again, and Janis couldn’t fight it any longer. She wanted to be coherent for this— whatever was happening— but Regina rubbed a socked foot down Janis’s calf, and she resigned herself to her fate.

 

She thought she felt lips brush against her forehead as she fell back asleep.

 

* * *

 

So they evidently weren’t talking about it. Janis should’ve assumed that, really. What was she going to say?

 

_Hey, Regina! Was that supposed to be a happy ending massage earlier? Sorry I fell asleep before we could get it going!_

 

Absolutely not, no. Honestly, from the way Janis woke up the second time, she considered that she might’ve dreamt it.

 

She woke up a little colder, and she saw that was alone under the sheets. It wasn’t like Regina was nowhere to be found, however; no, the girl was standing at the foot of their bed, wearing only a red bra and who knows what on the bottom half. Janis shut her eyes immediately, feigning being asleep out of fear that Regina might’ve seen her. It looked like the girl had just showered, if the darkened wet hair was any indication.

 

They had to be up insanely early, and Janis wondered what time their little cuddle session had happened, considering they were all fed and packed into the charter bus by 6am.

 

Today, according to Gretchen and her control of the school’s itinerary for their group, they’d be visiting Little Italy and Chinatown.

 

Which is where they were now, completely stuffed from the assortment of Italian food they had all tasted. Unfortunately, no one had told Karen to avoid the street vendors who asked if she wanted designer bags. It had then resorted to the entire group making sure she got out safely and without a stolen fake Gucci purse. The girl still didn’t seem to understand afterward and had continuously complained about wanting to buy Gretchen the cat-shaped bag she saw.

 

It reminded Janis a little of the scene in The _Sex in the City 2_ movie Damian had forced her to watch one too many times.

 

“It’s just so not fair,” he whined from next to her as the six of them walked down Canal Street. All of them had significantly less bags on them than the night before, even though they had much more time to shop today.

 

“I told you I didn’t make the itinerary, Damian. Take it up with the school,” Gretchen started with a sigh, holding out her phone for him to see it. “The class is only seeing one Broadway show while we’re here.”

 

“And they aren’t giving us the right free time to go see any others!”

 

“That’s probably all we could afford.”

 

“Well, it’s not like we need to— what was it? Tour every boring building in the city in the next few days? Why can’t we just do the things we want?”

 

Janis really did feel bad for him. She knew Damian didn’t get to see New York too often, and given his way, he’d probably just stay in the theater district for the entire trip. Seeing all of the traditional tourist attractions probably was grating on his nerves beyond belief, especially for someone who planned to move here some day.

 

Gretchen lazily scrolled down on her phone before peering back up at him. “We’re doing a bus tour of all the boroughs after this.”

 

“That’s a little better,” he admitted, posture relaxing a little as they kept walking. “We all have to look for my future apartment.”

 

“I know you’re sad,” Cady fell into step next to them, her shorter legs struggling to stay at the same pace. “But we’re seeing _The Lion King_! Tomorrow!”

 

The five of them all fought the urge to roll their eyes. The itinerary did read that they were seeing the show on Broadway, and Cady had been slightly unbearable since. On any given day, she would try to at least mention the movie, its sequel, the show, or any other form of media dealing with it. This would be Cady’s first time seeing the Broadway stage version, and Janis wasn’t sure if she was excited for or dreading the girl’s upcoming breakdown.

 

“Can’t wait,” Regina monotonically muttered from the complete opposite side of Janis. She hadn’t been very talkative today, and Janis knew exactly why. Ignoring her would be one thing, but Regina was barely even speaking to Gretchen and Karen, either. Maybe she’d bring it up to her later when they were alone.

 

In front of them, as if the people parted for her to see it, Janis noticed there were two girls walking with their fingers interlocked, seemingly without a care in the world. She almost faltered in her step at the sight, and, without thinking about it, immediately looked over at Regina.

 

Regina, who was blatantly staring back at her.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Maybe she was making a mistake with this. Regina hadn’t _known_ that Janis was awake originally, but then she… well, she shifted closer to her, and Regina was on autopilot for the rest of the time. She let Janis know that she was awake for some ungodly reason, and the entire day before had been uncomfortable because of it. They never talked about it, even though Janis looked like she wanted to say something once they got back to the room.

 

Then, Janis decided she had to shower before going to sleep. That was completely normal, of course— they’d both showered each day they’d been there now. No, but it was different this time. Mainly because Regina was already tucked into bed and more than ready to fall asleep, and Janis decided she’d change out in their main room instead of inside of the bathroom.

 

Regina realized quickly that Janis thought she was already asleep, so when she caught a glimpse of the girl in only a towel, she rolled over in bed and took an interest in the curtains. She would _not_ be that gross. Sonja’s smirk came to mind with her mocking words, asking what Janis would look like post-showering, and Regina tried not to remember the water droplets just above her chest.

 

Regina stayed in that same position until she felt Janis crawl onto her own side of the bed, staying as far away from Regina as possible. She wasn’t sure who fell asleep first.

 

Now it’s the same situation again. Only this time, Regina’s front was pressed against Janis’s back, and her arms were wrapped tightly around the other girl’s waist. She let out a shaky breath and leaned her forehead gently against the back of her neck.

 

Janis, her little spoon.

 

She missed this. She wasn’t too deep in the closet to admit that. Regina _adored_ touching Janis back when they were best friends. A simple hand hold, leaning into each other whenever they were close enough, long amounts of snuggling in bed.

 

They used to _always_ be touching, and the hole in Regina’s chest was feeling a whole lot fuller at the moment.

 

With men, it just… didn’t feel the same. Sure, the physical warmth was there, and maybe Aaron’s muscles could be comfortable, but it wasn’t _this_. Shane tended to be scratchy with his shirt off, and Regina would often opt out of cuddling altogether.

 

Janis was just so _soft_ , and Regina wanted to be completely wrapped up in her.

 

What did that mean exactly?

 

She buried her nose into the crook between Janis’s neck and shoulder, and she peppered a small kiss to the skin there.

 

 _Fuck_ , she was gay.

 

She was gay, and she desperately wanted this girl. Probably always had.

 

The thought made her tighten her arms around Janis’s waist, and she tried willing away the heat forming in her center.

 

_Too late._

 

She gritted her teeth, and she would’ve tried squeezing her thighs together to relieve the tension, but her legs were once again intertwined with the other girl’s. Nothing else had ever made her feel like this, and she was trying to ignore the tears forming behind her eyelids.

 

Janis. She ruined it with her. Because of their past, they could never actually wake up like this naturally. With a good morning kiss. Maybe every day. She’d fucking love that.

 

And maybe the other girl was reacting well to their touching, but that didn’t mean it meant anything to Janis. Not in the same way it means to Regina.

 

How did they always go to sleep without even touching, one buried in the comforter while the other was wrapped in the sheet, to this? Without fail, they’d end up in some sort of position holding each other, and Regina wanted to know how their minds picked it so well.

 

Maybe Janis could just forgive her. She _had_ to feel this, right? How could Regina feel so strongly about it and Janis feel nothing?

 

She placed another kiss on her neck, a little closer to her ear this time. Janis pressed back against her, and Regina let herself smile against her neck. _Good. She was awake._ Regina kissed her again, brushing her lips gently against her earlobe. Like she was on autopilot again, she felt her mouth move and whisper into her ear, “Baby.”

 

She expected Janis to stiffen, pull away, maybe shout something at her.

 

Instead the girl lifted her arm up behind her and gently cradled Regina’s left cheek with her hand.

 

Regina thought her eyes were going to roll back into her head.

 

She just felt so light. So blissed out. If she had to guess, she’d say she was feeling this way because of how she’d denied herself before. With girls, with _Janis_ , she was touch starved. Everything was heightened, and she knew she had a lot of time to make up for. The intense feeling of being close to Janis would fade eventually, just like everyone said it would, but only if they kept doing this.

 

Janis dropped her hand from Regina’s face, and she couldn’t help but be a bit disappointed. She didn’t leave her hanging for too long, however, as she placed it atop Regina’s clasped hands over her front.

 

Regina let out another breath at the contact, and she swore she saw the hair on the back of Janis’s neck rise. She leaned in as close as she could, secretly hoping that the night would never end.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The theater’s dimmed lights turned back on, and Janis could see Cady hunched over in her seat. It was intermission now, meaning she would be openly weeping for the next fifteen minutes instead of trying to hold it in. Seeing _The Lion King_ live with Cady was going just about as well as everyone expected, but that didn’t mean they weren’t having a good time. In fact, Cady’s reactions to everything happening onstage was making some of the audience members around them laugh harder than usual. There was a girl in an NYU hoodie in their same row who was making no effort to hide her amusement— Janis caught her snickering with her friend during Hakuna Matata, both of them staring in Cady’s direction.

 

“You okay, Caddy?” Damian rested a hand on her shoulder, though the joking smile on his face took away from the genuinity.

 

“It’s so amazing,” Cady mumbled into her palms, back still hunched over the front of the chair. Seeing all the African culture at once might’ve been overwhelming for her, in retrospect.

 

“Anyway,” Gretchen cleared her throat, and all of them—sans Cady— snapped their heads in her direction. “Guys, I’m about to lose it staying with Caitlyn.”

 

Gretchen was one seat down from Janis, and an antsy Regina was between the two of them. Regina had went out of her way to sit by Janis as soon as they entered the Minskoff Theater, and she wasn’t exactly sure what to make of it. They still hadn’t spoken about whatever the hell was happening at night with them, and last night… it sort of escalated. There was no pretending that they both were asleep; Regina kissed up and down her neck, Janis cradled her face and pressed back into her, Regina called her _baby_.

 

It was like they were two different people once they entered that hotel room.

 

“Wait, is this about what you told me before?” Karen, sifting on the other side of Gretchen, questioned in a light tone.

 

“Yeah, it is, but it’s getting worse.” Gretchen rolled her eyes but reached out her hand to gently grasp onto Karen’s. “So, first off, she’s obsessed with running, or whatever. She literally had an argument with Norbury because she didn’t want the trip to fuck up her morning running schedule.”

 

“What time does she run?” Damian asked with no small amount of distaste in his tone.

 

“Like four in the morning or something? She’s fucking nuts.” Gretchen used her free hand to dramatically flip her hair, and an even more intense look settled on her face. “She really thought they’d let her run alone that early in the middle of New Jersey? _And_ she’s convinced I stole her fitbit. Isn’t that what it’s called?”

 

“Did you?” Janis wasn’t sure who spoke at first, before she realized the question came from Regina. She sounded nowhere near as confident as usual, and for the first time, Janis considered that she might’ve actually had some sort of effect on the girl. Maybe whatever was happening was mutual. They wouldn’t know unless they talked about it, and Janis knew now that she probably wouldn’t be making that first move.

 

Gretchen scoffed, and Janis had to hide her surprise that she’d answer Regina like that. She supposed they were finally on an even playing field. “No, I think she’s just careless with her stuff. It could be anywhere by now. _Oh!_ ” Gretchen suddenly startled, dropping her hand from

Karen’s. “Don’t even get me started on the clumps of hair she leaves in the shower.”

 

Janis tuned her out, but she caught a few words about how Gretchen having more hair than Caitlyn Caussin shouldn’t mean that the girl should shed more than her.

 

The whole conversation her friends were having made her feel a little out of place. Most of them had been outwardly worried when they found out she’d be sharing her hotel room with Regina, but it seemed like they were the ones actually having the best time. It’s not like they could talk about why, however, even if Janis really wanted to tell Damian everything that was going on with them.

 

Regina must’ve known what she was thinking about, since she locked eyes with her yet again. Her face betrayed no emotion at first, but her eyes noticeably softened the longer they looked at one another. The staring match continued, and Janis could only slightly hear Gretchen confirm something about Caitlyn’s hairy nips and Damian going into a spiel about Mike Thurman’s unnatural bedtime rituals.

 

Maybe she actually did get the best possible roommate.

 

 

* * *

 

 

She could really get used to this. Realistically, it wasn’t something they could do in the daytime— not in front of other people, so they only had this.

 

She’d take it for now.

 

Janis realized they were almost in the same position as the first night they spent in the hotel. Her head was lying atop Regina’s shoulder instead of her chest, and she swore her heart fluttered when she noticed her right hand was clasped with Regina’s.

 

She opened her eyes cautiously, and the first thing that caught her attention was the bright light coming through the split in the curtain. It was probably around the time they needed to get up for the day; usually, they would wake up in the middle of the night and do… whatever the hell it is they were doing.

 

Janis tried to squash down the disappointment.

 

She blinked for another moment and considered pulling away to stretch out her tightened limbs. Of course, they were completely intertwined with each other again, and Janis honestly didn’t understand how either of them could actually sleep like this. Every part of them was somehow touching or close to it, and in another setting, arguably with anyone else, she would never allow this. The hand holding onto hers gently squeezed, and Janis lifted her head up quickly.

 

Regina was propped up against several pillows— most likely to support her sore neck— and looked possibly the most vulnerable Janis had ever seen her. The girl’s face was scrubbed clean of all her usual makeup, and her hair laid unimpressively onto the bed sheets. A smile was playing on her bare lips, and her eyes were analyzing Janis almost softly.

 

It was maybe the most attractive she had ever been.

 

“Morning.” Regina rubbed her thumb lightly against Janis’s knuckles, and she felt herself lean forward slightly.

 

They’d never spoken during these moments. Never acknowledged that it was even happening. Up until now, a small portion of Janis thought she might’ve been dreaming it.

 

But then Regina’s eyes, while still seemingly soft, darkened just a bit, and Janis felt the old beginnings of shame make its way into her stomach. Janis was suddenly preparing for a biting remark, something about how all of this had just been a prank. If this were still Junior year, Regina would probably be using this as a way to humiliate her even more among their classmates. Who’s to say she wouldn’t still do that? She blinked several times and unknowingly pulled back from the other girl.

 

A wave of panic flashed across Regina’s face, and she reached out for Janis, placing her free hand against her cheek. Her breaths were deeper now and her eyes searching. She tucked a few stray hairs behind Janis’s ear and attempted to smile. “Not gonna say it back?”

 

Janis still said nothing, slightly put off by the girl’s reaction. She wouldn’t really go this far for a prank, would she? After all, even if she did tell everyone about this, she’d have to admit that she did it _with_ Janis in the first place. Regina had been the one to make most of the moves the past few days. She was the one who would pull them closer together when they woke up. She was the one who kissed Janis’s neck with _so_ much tenderness, so much care.

 

“Could I-“ Regina started, and her gaze fell to Janis’s lips. Both of them stopped breathing, and Janis immediately knew what she was trying to ask.

 

Regina was the one who ended up closing the distance, interlacing their fingers against her stomach.

 

Janis exhaled through her nose, and her first thought was that Regina’s lips on hers was a different sensation than when they kissed her skin. It should be the same feeling, right?

 

It definitely wasn’t.

 

The kiss started slow, and Janis was grateful for it. She needed to gather her bearings for a moment, and Regina’s mouth moving against hers wasn’t exactly helping. Just a few minutes ago, she was expecting Regina to lash out at her, to tell her what they were doing didn’t mean a thing. Her eyes had gotten so _dark_ , and Janis jumped to the wrong conclusion.

 

No, they didn’t darken because she was planning to snap at Janis. Regina positioned her to the side and suddenly Janis was on her back with Regina straddling her hips. Their lips never broke contact, and Janis knew _this_ is why her eyes darkened.

 

Regina’s tongue was in her mouth at that point, and she realized the girl was holding her hands above her head against the mattress.

 

This was easily the furthest Janis had ever gone, and she was trying to fight her nerves. Regina was pressed so close against her, and the overwhelming heat in her chest was only getting hotter.

 

Not having the use of her hands in this situation made her a little nervous, but Regina’s grip was light enough that Janis’s breath came a little easier. She had no idea if she was planning to go all the way here, and if they did, what would that do for them? Did she want to _date_ Janis? Was it purely a sexual thing for her?

 

Regina let out a filthy moan, and Janis felt the heat in her chest spread throughout her entire body. She would question her makeout session in a hotel bed with Regina George later. Right now, Regina’s breaths were becoming shallower, and she seemed to be getting more eager by the minute. Janis would focus on this moment right now and then worry about the consequences of it later.

 

A fool proof plan.

 

“Ladies!” A loud banging from their door interrupted them, and their kiss broke as Regina pulled away from her, a look of surprise clear on her face. “Time to wake up! Get moving!” Mr. Buck’s banging ceased, and Janis noticed that Regina was still lazily straddling her. Regina had dropped Janis’s hands when she shot up, and Janis pulled them back down to her sides; she watched her motions with almost blackened eyes, and Janis fought back a smirk at how red Regina’s face currently was. Even redder than the time Janis had caught her stripping all the clothes off her Barbies when they were ten.

 

_Probably not a good memory to think about right now._

 

“Well,” Regina picked up her left leg and and seated herself right next to Janis’s waist. “You heard him.” She wiped her lips with her right pointer finger, and Janis considered pulling her back in for a second round.

 

“Seriously?”

 

Regina simply smiled, and some of the tension left from her shoulders. “Get up, you have morning breath.” She tapped her thigh playfully before standing up from the bed and making her way over to their bathroom.

 

Janis felt her eyes narrow slightly, and she pushed herself up against the headboard. “So do you!” She tried calling after her, but she was only met with high-pitched laughter.

 

She was in too deep.

 

* * *

 

Regina was in so deep.

 

This morning, she crossed a line that she couldn’t jump back over. Thankfully, Janis seemed to enjoy it just as much, but she needed to get a hand on her self control. All Janis did was wake up and look up at Regina, and it was over from there. Next thing she knew she was flipping her over and pinning her to the damn bed. If they woke up in the middle of the night and wouldn’t have gotten interrupted, who knew how far they would’ve gone?

 

But Janis pulled away from her originally, and Regina wasn’t exactly sure what caused it. She had no issue kissing her back once Regina made the move, but the look in her eye… she seemed almost frightened. Of what? Of Regina? See, they’ve had numerous conversations over the past year, talking their past actions through, discussing how they could ever forgive each other for what they’ve both done, and Regina had thought they’d broken past that barrier by now. Maybe they hadn’t— maybe Janis still held her grudge. It took a few months of work on both of their parts, but Regina actually did manage to forgive Janis (and the others) for their life-ruining plot. If only they’d just _talk,_ Regina could actually know the reason. Then, if they needed to, they would work it out.

 

She supposed she might’ve also looked a little different than usual. At night, she’d wipe her makeup from the day off, and it was usually too dark for Janis to really see her without it. In the morning, Regina would wake up earlier than Janis, regrettably retracting their limbs away from each other and going on to prepare herself for the day. For the first two nights, Janis had been facing away from her; it was this morning where Regina went off her unspoken schedule. She didn’t set an alarm this time— one that Janis always seemed to sleep through— and woke up a little later than she probably should’ve. Instead of leaving the bed as soon as she woke up, she made herself comfortable and watched the other girl’s chest rise and fall while she slept peacefully on her shoulder. Something in her was forcing herself to stay where she was and to just let the rest of it all play out. By the time Janis woke up this morning, Regina would’ve already had her hair perfectly coiffed and makeup neatly applied.

 

So maybe that was it? Was she surprised by Regina’s appearance? Even after Mr. Buck came to wake them, Regina was working with limited time restraints, and she was sure she currently didn’t look as good as she normally would. Maybe she was disgusted by it? Not attracted to Regina looking so natural? Still, she certainly didn’t fight getting pinned to the bed by her.

 

“Can anybody tell me when Radio City Music Hall opened?” The short tour guide asked in a tone that was just a little too perky. She pushed her half-rimmed glasses up the bridge of her nose, and Regina refrained from making a snarky comment to Gretchen beside her.

 

Damian shouted out an enthusiastic, “1932!” as the answer, and Regina wished she could count the number of eyerolls in the tour group circle.

 

They were on yet again another tour— one of Radio City Music Hall— and no one was pleased that they had little to no free time for the entire today. Tomorrow morning, they’d be leaving to head back to Chicago, which meant Regina and Janis only had one more night left spent together.

 

Who knew a Holiday Inn bed with scratchy sheets and flattened pillows could make her so happy?

 

“Keep up!” Their class was now making a turn for some secluded hallway, and Regina, behind everyone else, lost Gretchen and Karen somewhere in the crowd.

 

“You and Sarkisian seem a little quiet.”

 

Regina jumped at the voice coming from her left shoulder and almost swung her elbow back when she realized it was Sonja. She had barely even seen her since their first day in the city, and considering the events that had happened since their last conversation, Regina didn’t want to give the girl any satisfaction.

 

“Maybe because neither of us give a shit about the Rockettes.”

 

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Sonja groaned quietly as their class settled into another sloppy circle. “I know Grace and I have been having a great time.”

 

Regina grimaced, and she felt a streak of satisfaction when Sonja’s face fell at her reaction. _Good. Let her think I’m grossed out._

 

Janis was standing directly across from both of them. She wasn’t looking at Regina, though; in fact, she seemed to be studying Sonja, and Regina pushed down an irrational stab of jealousy. She had her tongue down Janis’s throat only hours before— there was no reason to be jealous.

 

Well, maybe she was a little insecure because they hadn’t discussed anything yet. They weren’t… _exclusive_ or anything. Hell, Regina didn’t even know the extent of her own feelings. She had no right to be upset with Janis looking at other girls, though this particular girl did have a girlfriend. One who she wasn’t standing with, for some reason.

 

Janis was now looking back and forth between the two of them, and it reminded Regina of her expression a few days prior. She was a little surprised Janis never brought up her conversation with Sonja, actually. Janis’s face darkened from across the room, and Regina so badly wanted to know what she was thinking.

 

“So you’re not having a good time with her?” Sonja asked, though with a lot less confidence than before.

 

“Girls, no talking.” Miss Norbury came up from behind them, placed a hand on Sonja’s shoulder, and shot them both a warning glare. The woman walked away from them and stopped next to Cady on the left side of the circle, leaning down to murmur something into her ear. _Could she be anymore obvious about her favorite student?_

 

But it was fine. Norbury’s weird behavior worked in her favor for once, since Sonja seemed to be afraid to say anything else to her.

 

The tour guide continued to take them into strange back rooms that no one understood, but Sonja never left her side. Janis hadn’t even come close to her, opting rather to stay glued to Damian’s hip. Regina could’ve lost Sonja at any time, really, but Janis kept sparing glances at both of them.

 

She could, well, just go stand next to Janis, she supposed.

 

But maybe that was too obvious, and though Regina truly didn’t care what Sonja thought, she didn’t want the girl leaving this trip satisfied with herself.

 

So she pretended to follow along when the tour guide brought up names of celebrities who’ve performed there and even faked a few smiles when a Rockette came out to tell them all about her job. She avoided Sonja, who hadn’t even tried speaking again, and she avoided Janis, whose eyes she could feel burning into her skin.

 

It wasn’t until they were leaving the building and headed to their next scheduled tour did Sonja speak up again.

 

“I feel bad for Janis.”

 

Sonja quickened her pace while they walked back to the bus, not staying to wait for Regina’s response.

 

Regina pretended the words didn’t sting.

 

* * *

 

She refused to let it bother her throughout the day, but Sonja’s words reverberated in the back of her mind several times. Felt _bad_ for Janis? Why? Because she thought she was with Regina?

 

Her chest constricted uncomfortably at the thought, physically paining herself to admit any insecurity with the topic. Was it because Sonja thought she was disgusted about her relationship with Grace? No, that wasn’t what Regina was reacting to— any sane person wouldn’t want to know the details of Sonja Acquino’s sex life, and she must’ve just taken it the wrong way.

 

Regina wasn’t like _that_ anymore, and she hoped Janis understood that better than Sonja did. Her entire mantra was not caring what other people thought of her, so why was letting this get under her skin? How did anything relating to Janis manage to do that to her?

 

Janis had her back to Regina, who was trying to distract herself by searching for little images in the stucco ceiling. They’d only went to bed for the night roughly ten minutes before, and the occasional deep breath from Janis let Regina know that she hadn’t fallen asleep yet, either. It was their last night in the hotel together, and Regina felt a sense of loss at the thought. Once this was over, and they were no longer staying together, who knew what would happen to them? Would all of this make a friendship with Janis impossible? Surely their friends would eventually catch on if they were no longer comfortable with each other again.

 

“Janis?” She heard herself question softly, holding her breath in anticipation of a response.

 

A verbal response she didn’t get, however, as the girl silently rolled over onto her other side, now facing her. Regina shifted herself onto her left hip, ignoring the burning in her back at the quick movement. Her face could barely be made out in the darkened room, and Regina used the opportunity to move closer to her on the mattress. Janis didn’t move back, like she might’ve expected her to, gaze remaining firmly on Regina.

 

“What are we doing?” Janis whispered.

 

She knew this question was coming, and perhaps she didn’t expect Janis to actually be the one to voice it, but maybe they couldn’t avoid this any longer. “Laying.”

 

“That’s not what I’m talking about.”

 

Regina remembered Sonja saying those exact words to her a few hours before, and a bit of her previous jealousy made itself known in the pit of her stomach. Running on pure emotion, she scooted herself closer, cautiously resting her hand on Janis’s left hip. She made no move to stop her, and Regina relaxed a little.

 

“Like that,” she sighed, and both of them knew what she was referring to. “I mean, what? Are you just fucking with me?” Her voice was noticeably rising in volume now.

 

“No,” Regina firmly replied, knowing that this could get out of hand fast if she didn’t assure her of what she did know. “No, Janis,” she paused, “you don’t think I’d still do that, do you?”

 

The following silence confirmed Regina’s fears, but she kept her hand where it was, even gently rubbing her thumb over the skin there. She wasn’t sure if the comfort was for Janis or for herself.

 

“I’m sorry,” Janis said after a moment. “It’s not that. It’s just- where do we stand? What… I guess, what are we?”

 

The fumbling soothed Regina’s own nerves; they were both equally as nervous about this— she could work with that.

 

“You _want_ to be something?”

 

“Do you even like girls?”

 

Realistically, that was another question Regina should’ve been expecting. Her behavior over the years, especially towards Janis, was questionable at best when it came to this topic. That had been something they discussed months before, though, and maybe Janis was just feeling wary about it.

 

“I’m gay.” She admitted it to herself in her head two nights ago while her arms were wrapped around Janis, but this was the first time she’d said it out loud. It wasn’t immediately relieving like she’d heard it would be, but the flash of surprise she imagined on Janis’s face lifted something from her shoulders.

 

“You couldn’t have said that earlier?” She sounded disbelieving. “How long have you known?”

 

Regina knew the answer to that, but she figured the truth would startle Janis. The conversation was already tinkering on the edge of possible disaster, so lying wasn’t ruled out yet. Except telling her that she only recently discovered it makes her seem less genuine about their interactions in the past week, and she didn’t want Janis to doubt that.

 

“I’ve liked you for a really long time, Janis,” Regina managed, pressing closer to her and moving her full arm around her waist. “I’m sure you can figure out exactly how long.” She didn’t pull away from her still, and Regina could swear the city lights trying to peek through the curtains highlighted part of Janis’s shocked expression.

 

“No fucking way.”

 

Maybe she should’ve lied.

 

“You didn’t tell me that when we talked about eighth grade.”

 

Maybe not.

 

Janis raised her hand up to Regina’s cheek, and it took everything in her not to flinch away out of fear. Instead, however, she rested her hand there and repeated the same motions on her cheek that Regina had done on her hip.

 

“You’re not pissed?” There was no way Janis wasn’t upset with what she told her. Yes, they’d both worked on their friendship since the end of last year, and maybe they had come great lengths with it, but this should bring it all back up, shouldn’t it? She was reopening an old wound with this, and Janis wasn’t exactly the type of person to take that lying down.

 

“It makes more sense, actually. But if you mean eighth grade,” Her thumb stopped its ministrations. “I told you I forgave you for that. Like I kinda said before, though,” she moved her hand to the back of Regina’s head, taking special care when it came to her neck. “It’s not something I can just forget. It helped make me who I am.”

 

Regina could live with that.

 

“I mean,” Janis continued. “Do you think you’ll ever forget Junior year?”

 

“I don’t know if they can really be compared, Janis.” She wished they could, really, but what Janis did to her wasn’t really in the same realm of what she did to Janis. It wasn’t until years later that Regina really understood the depth of what she’d done.

 

“Maybe not,” Janis agreed, yet she was positioning her legs over Regina’s, something they’d done for the last four nights. “But maybe the forgiveness part is what we should be focusing on.”

 

She rested her forehead against Janis’s, and her eyes closed immediately at the contact. They were almost completely entangled again, and Regina couldn’t help but wonder how it would happen while they slept.

 

“I still have so many questions.”

 

“I know.” They had more to discuss, but after Regina’s admission, she doubted any more would get done tonight. “But can I be honest?”

 

“About what?”

 

“Well,” Regina brushed the tip of her nose against Janis’s and failed to fight back a smile. “I’ve been thinking about having you in my arms all day.” She tightened her grip around her waist and slowly opened her eyes back up. “And that’s literally all I want right now.”

 

She watched Janis’s eyes widen, and if there more light in the room, she would’ve seen them start to water. “O-oh.”

 

“Do you even know how good this feels to me?” Regina rested her head on Janis’s left shoulder, basking in the heat radiating off the other girl. “How fucking _freeing_ it is to hold you?”

 

Janis squeaked out a noise, and Regina lightly kissed her neck. “Thank you for finally letting me have this.”

 

Saying all of that to Janis was more relieving than admitting to her that she was gay. This was… telling her how badly she wanted _her_ , in the purest possible way. And every part of it was completely true.

 

“You don’t need to thank me.”

 

Regina smiled, stemming the urge to kiss Janis on the mouth. That wasn’t how she wanted this night to end. This was more than enough for her right now.

 

“This has always been one of my favorite things to do. Even when we were younger.” She settled back into Janis’s shoulder, and the other girl’s hold on her tightened, too. “No one’s ever been able to make me feel like you do, baby.” Janis loudly exhaled, and Regina smirked. “You like it when I call you that, don’t you? I noticed the other night.”

 

She imagined Janis blushing now and figured she show some mercy. Overwhelming her probably wasn’t the best idea.

 

“I hope you had a good trip.” That was neutral territory. She could steer the conversation back to something else, all while being completely wrapped in Janis Sarkisian.

 

“Yeah, I did. The hotel had an amazing view, too.”

 

They both knew that wasn’t true, since their curtains had been pulled shut after the first time Janis peered out the windows. Regina lifted her head from Janis’s shoulder, only to find the girl looking right back at her. She leaned forward, placing a kiss to the corner of Janis’s mouth, still smiling.

 

“Night, Janis.”

 

She tucked her chin against Regina’s shoulder, and Regina went back to her previous position. They were practically hugging now, and she wondered if she’d even get any sleep like this.

 

“Night, Regina.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Janis thought they talked enough out for them to be fine afterward. Evidently, that wasn’t the case.

 

They left New York early the next morning, Janis giving a reverent sort of look toward their bed, and then doing an Ellis Island Tour with the rest of their class before getting on the road. Regina sat next to her again, and though she mainly slept, they seemed completely normal. Not overly touchy like they were in their hotel room, but she doubted Regina would ever be like that with her in public, no matter how much they both enjoyed it. The bus took its same stop in the middle of Pennsylvania again, though, and Regina did turn to her smugly with a, “Two for Regina George, zero for the bus bathroom.” It was hard not to laugh at that.

 

Since they left a little later, they didn’t arrive back in Chicago until close to midnight, and Janis had been completely exhausted. Their friends all bid each other a goodbye, even though they’d all be at school together the next day. Cady was talking to Aaron on her phone for half of it, and Janis was relieved Damian, who was still a little bitter that the drama boy he’d been flirting with turned out to be straight, didn’t try to steal it again; she’d been better staying off it for the rest of the trip, though, with _The Lion King_ apparently changing her life so drastically. Gretchen fought the rest of them on being the one to drive Karen home, and they all relented, knowing full well whatever they were planning to get up to shouldn’t involve the rest of them, anyway. Damian gave Janis an odd look before leaving, and when his eyes pointedly landed on Regina and her several bags of luggage, she knew she’d need to talk to him about everything that happened sooner rather than later.

 

That had been over a week ago.

 

The seniors returned to school and had been swamped with homework they had missed, along with the lessons they were currently on. Why the faculty chose to teach the students who stayed behind, Janis didn’t know.

 

But that had been the reason Janis originally didn’t worry about Regina not contacting her. None of them had really spoken since they got back, though Janis did hear that Cady was currently on her weekend trip up at Northwestern. She’d also spoken to Gretchen a few times, and the girl even told her the dirt Regina said she had on Christian Wiggins. She whispered to her in quiet spurts in the school library, but she could make out the words _cheated_ , _Dawn Schweitzer,_ and _hush money._ Whatever the hell that meant.

 

Regina, on the other hand, only made brief contact with her at their shared lunch table. While Regina hadn’t made an effort to reach out, Janis hadn’t gone out of her way, either. The silence did nothing but fuel her doubt about their entire time in New York, and the last thing she wanted was for Regina to regret the things they said to each other. She had been _so_ incredibly sweet the last night they spent together; Janis wanted to see that side of her again more than anything. Even thinking about it brought that warm feeling back into her chest again, though she was now able to school her grin after the first couple times it had happened.

 

She was tucked peacefully into her couch at home, ignoring the numerous messages Damian had been sending her asking to hang out. On any other Friday night, she’d have no problem settling in with him and watching a bad 80s movie. He knew her mom was working the night shift today, and he’d been relentless about wanting to do something. Thankfully, the last few years of being his best friend let her know that he wanted to confront her about Regina. Of course, he’d been the first one to pick up on their strange behavior, but she was sure the rest of their friends knew about it, too. Janis wouldn’t be surprised if Cady was telling Aaron all about it right now between whatever round they were on.

 

Her phone lit up the same time there was a knock at her front door, and Janis suspiciously raised an eyebrow. The text was another from Damian, a simple _hey_ , and she didn’t doubt that he was standing behind her front door sending it. Fine, she’d tell him about cuddling Regina for four days, how they haven’t talked since, and maybe make him pose for a surprised portrait, since she was positive his expression would be priceless.

 

She opened the door, a speech fully prepared on her tongue about boundaries and how he can’t just come storming into her house when she doesn’t answer his text messages.

 

It was Regina instead.

 

And while she didn’t look _bad_ — no, Regina George truly wasn’t capable of looking bad, she seemed… off. Maybe that was a better word for it. She wasn’t barefaced like the one night in their hotel room, but her makeup was very light, foundation a little streaky, and she could see the start of bags forming underneath her eyes. If her own face gave anything away, Regina didn’t let it show.

 

“Could I come in?”

 

She imagined saying no to that for a brief moment. What would she even do? Move past her and walk right into Janis’s foyer with a sense of purpose? It wasn’t like they were on bad terms, though. Janis had no real reason to say no.

 

Janis opened the door a little further and moved to stand to the side, an obvious invitation for the girl to come into her house. Regina did, setting her purse on one of the tables with flowers near the door, and Janis shut the door behind her.

 

“Look, I just need to get this off my chest.” She didn’t wait long to start speaking, and Janis noticed how active her hands were; Regina only ever used to do that when she was anxious, she remembered from when they were younger. “Honestly? I haven’t been able to sleep without you next to me.”

 

Janis felt the breath leave her lungs at the admission. She didn’t expect to see that sweet side of Regina again so soon after wishing for it. What was she supposed to say to that? Her sleeping pattern had been a little off, too, but apparently not to the extent of Regina’s.

 

“I know this is a little out of the blue, I get it.” She was wringing her hands together now, and Janis could swear the girl’s anxiety had to be reaching Gretchen’s level. “But you weren’t talking to me, and you kinda made it seem like you didn’t want to? I don’t know, it kinda felt like you were avoiding me, I guess. So, I thought, _fine_ . If you needed space, then I’d give that to you. After everything, that’s the least I could do, right? And maybe it’s pathetic that I only lasted a fucking _week_.” She closed her eyes and shook her head, as if disappointed in herself. “But I don’t give a shit. I thought it was clear how I felt about you, but maybe you needed more? Like, did you need me to say it?”

 

Janis blinked repeatedly for a few moments, Regina anxiously watching her. “I-I thought _you_ were avoiding _me_.”

 

“Really, Janis, that’s what you got from all that?” She bit back, though her tone was anything but angry. More tired, really.

 

She just shrugged in response, still not exactly sure what to say.

 

“Could I kiss you?” The question brought back the vivid memory of Regina a week ago, who started to ask the very same thing but never got the chance to finish.

 

Like the last time, Janis’s unspoken answer was yes. Unlike the last time, however, it was Janis who closed the distance, only needing to take a few steps to reach her. As their lips met yet again, Janis couldn’t help but dwell on the fact that Regina made sure to _ask_ both times. Who knew Regina George would ask permission before kissing someone? If anything, it showed the extreme lengths she’d made in only a year’s time. Her edges weren’t completely sanded down, of course, and Janis doubted they ever would be. Hell, Janis didn’t think she’d ever _want_ them to be. It was what made her Regina George, and she realized that was exactly what she wanted. And that was a sign of her own progress over the last year.

 

Surprisingly, it was Regina who pulled away first, familiarly resting her forehead against Janis’s. She had a tired smile on her lips, and Janis fought the urge to kiss her again.

 

“So I hope it’s not too forward to ask if I can spend the night?” Regina asked with a teasing tone. “As much as I would love to cuddle you again, my main motivation is to get some sleep.”

 

Janis smiled, briefly brushing their lips together. “We might need to talk about that, actually. It’s not like I can spend every night with you.”

 

Regina pouted dramatically, and a year ago, Janis would’ve thought the sight was obnoxious. Now she just wanted to kiss it away.

 

“I know you like it when I call you baby.” Regina pulled her just a little bit closer, softly laughing as Janis’s cheeks heated up at her words. “But would you blush like that if I call you girlfriend?”

 

Janis froze then, visibly gulping as the question registered in her brain. For some reason, that wasn’t even one of the thought up options crawling around in Janis’s when it came to their relationship. Only when Regina was pinning her to a bed did Janis consider that. She didn’t think Regina George would ever want that, especially not with her.

 

Leaning in to kiss her again, Janis hoped the action gave her the answer she was expecting. She didn’t think she could find the words to actually say yes, anyway. They both grinned into the kiss, and this one lasted notably longer than the first one. Janis wasn’t sure who broke it this time, but Regina’s eyes were shining with a sort of admiration Janis had never seen before.

 

“Turns out you actually turn redder when I call you my girlfriend.”

 

Janis could feel how hot her face was, and she was sure Regina was probably right.

 

“We still have some stuff to talk about.”

 

“Hm? Like what?”

 

“What was up with you and Sonja on the trip?” She watched Regina’s eyes darken considerably, and Janis suddenly became to panic that she shouldn’t have mentioned it.

 

“Oh, we can definitely talk about that. How about tomorrow morning, though? I’m gonna need my energy for that story.”

 

They were still embracing near her front door, and Janis couldn’t help but chuckle at the entire image. Regina had come to her house on this Friday night— when the old her would’ve been at the nearest house party— confessed her feelings to Janis for the second time, asked her to be her girlfriend, and now they were quasi making out in her foyer.

 

“You’ll probably be laughing after the story, too.” Regina continued, and Janis realized she must’ve taken her laughter to be about whatever happened with Sonja.

 

Janis stepped back from her but kept hold of one of her hands, pulling her gently along behind her. “Grab your purse. Did you want the couch or my bed?”

 

Regina scoffed, purse now back over her shoulder. “You should definitely know the answer to that.”

 

Janis pulled her from the foyer, and her eyes landed on her phone on the couch, still lighting up with messages she knew were from Damian. She’d talk to him tomorrow, but instead of telling him she had no idea what was going on with them, she’d get to tell him she was _dating_ Regina George. And Regina George had been the one to ask _her_.

 

“I really hope you changed your room from eighth grade,” Regina said behind her as they started to climb the steps. “You were into the weirdest shit.”

 

And maybe Regina George would never fully outgrow the person she had been before. Janis had come to terms with that. She’d also grown to genuinely care about that person, and she knew her seventeen year old self would be baffled at all of this. At who both of them had become in the past year.

 

The thought made her smile.

 

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me: kleksuh.tumblr.com


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